March 2nd, 2008

kitty scared


The weekend started off so well, getting a haircut, buying a present, driving to Maastricht, taking a stroll through the city center, going to a friend's housewarming party, seeing a whole bunch of old friends again, so far so good. It was a nice day, even though my cat allergy kicked in when I went to bed.

Today was .... troubling, I think is the best word. I visited my grandparents (mother's side. My other grandparents have passed away) and was once again confronted with their frailty. They're ... 86 and 87 years old if I remember correctly, a very respectable age, I know. Still, it makes you feel uneasy to see them grow weaker every time you visit them. The willpower is gone. They just live day by day, rummaging around the house until it's time to go back to bed. Nothing seems to matter to them anymore, except the kids and grandkids. In a few months they might be celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Grandma would like a party, but not granddad. In his depressive-realistic way of thinking, he argues that almost all of their friends have already left this world, so there's no one left to help them 'celebrate'. Even the idea of a brunch with the whole family just makes him grumpy. I don't understand him. On one hand I can understand that he's tired, has 'seen it all' and wouldn't mind dying peacefully in his sleep tonight. But while he's still here, why doesn't he make the most of it and spend time with his family for as long as it's still possible? But that's grandpa for ya. Always been a glass half-empty type. And grandma just rolls her eyes, shakes her head and stays quiet to preserve the peace.

My parents were there as well. Mom's (57) going in for surgery in april, getting her tearduct fixed and moisture/fluid removed from a place in her head that's supposed to be clean and dry. It's gonna be another invasive and energydraining procedure for her.... While she stayed with her parents, dad (58) and I drove to my uncle's place. On the way there, he told me that he noticed he's getting forgetful and that he's scared about it. He's making little mistakes at work, forgetting the meaning of certain abbreviations, mixing them up. So of course he's thinking he's starting to get Alzheimer's. And if all that wasn't enough, doctors discovered growths inside my uncle's partner (51). She's getting the results from the biopsy tomorrow. Might be benign, might be malign. Might be cancer. I pray to whomever's listening up there that that's not the case.

Needless to say all these things are running through my head. Too much scary news at once. Even for me. It's never fun to hear that someone is ill, but when it hits close to home, it's especially hard.
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    scared scared